If you’ve built a life that looks right but doesn’t feel right anymore, this one’s your permission slip to ask the harder question.
Ann Wax RN has spent fifty years at the bedsides of people facing cancer, and what she’s learned isn’t just about illness. It’s about what matters when we stop performing and start telling the truth.
As an oncology nurse, Oncology Doula™, and author of the upcoming Be Your Own Lifeguard, Ann shares what her patients have taught her about resilience, self-worth, and becoming a “Present Day Elder.”
Links & References:
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Show Note:
Pivoted from Nurse to Doula: After 50 years as an oncology nurse, Ann Wax became an oncology doula to focus on the emotional support patients need, rather than the physical demands of chemotherapy administration.
Core Philosophy: “Be Your Own Lifeguard”: This principle, which is also the title of her upcoming book, advocates for radical self-preservation. It teaches that you must save yourself from drowning relationships or situations before attempting to help others.
Empowering Patients to Speak Up: Wax’s work involves giving patients permission to voice their needs and concerns, especially women who are often conditioned to remain silent. She believes authenticity is crucial to healing.
Legacy as Healing: Legacy is not just what we leave behind, but also the unconscious wounds and patterns passed down through generations. Wax’s goal is to help people recognise and heal these wounds to create a positive legacy for the future.
Topics
From Oncology Nurse to Doula
50-Year Nursing Career: Wax spent 50 years as a nurse, primarily working in chemotherapy infusion.
Pivoting to Doula Work: The physical and emotional toll of chemotherapy administration, including compounding medications and managing IVs, led her to seek a less stressful way to support patients.
The Role of an Oncology Doula:
- Provides emotional support and encouragement.
- Helps patients navigate the healthcare system.
- Creates a “sacred space” for patients, always asking permission before entering their personal energy space.
- Helps patients manage anxiety through mindfulness and breathing exercises.
Patient Insights: Through her years of working with people facing cancer, Wax has learned that patients primarily want a sense of purpose, significance and validation, rather than simply money or fame.
“Be Your Own Lifeguard”: A Philosophy of Self-Preservation
Book Title: Be Your Own Lifeguard is Wax’s upcoming book.
Core Principle: Prioritise self-preservation. If someone is drowning and pulling you down with them, you must let them go to save yourself.
Application:
- Self-Care: Preserving yourself is not selfish. It is necessary for happiness and effectiveness.
- Authenticity: Walk away from arguments with people who are unwilling to listen.
- Guilt and Regret: These are “wasted energy” that can instead be replaced with action or acceptance.
Empowering Patients to Speak Up
The Problem: Patients, especially women, are often conditioned to remain silent and apologetic, even when facing significant health challenges.
Wax’s Approach: She gives patients permission to voice their needs and concerns, challenging the belief that they always need to be polite or avoid upsetting others.
Example: During a doctor’s appointment, Wax insisted that a patient answer questions directly rather than allowing her overbearing husband to speak for her. By doing so, she gave the patient an opportunity to find her voice.
“Sewage to the Surface”: Wax uses this metaphor to explain that healing requires confronting uncomfortable truths. Just as a lake needs to be cleared of its sewage to become clean, difficult experiences sometimes need to come to the surface before healing can occur.
Legacy, Ageing and Self-Worth
Legacy:
- Unconscious: Wounds, fears and patterns can be passed down through generations.
- Intentional: Recognising and healing these wounds can help create a positive and healing legacy for future generations.
Ageing with Intention:
- Mindset: Wax views ageing as a privilege rather than a burden.
- Movement: She believes movement is important for longevity and encourages staying active.
- Purpose: Maintaining a sense of purpose through activities such as tutoring, volunteering or contributing to the community can help people stay engaged.
Self-Worth:
- Origin: Self-worth can be influenced by childhood experiences, including being told to “shush” or behave.
- Solution: Consciously choose to break these patterns and recognise your own worth. Wax encourages practices such as looking in the mirror and affirming, “I am wonderful.”