How many times in life do you give the best to everyone else only to save the burnt leftovers for you? In this episode, Jen gets real about putting yourself last and explains why continual self-sacrificing is not the right thing to do but rather a disservice to the ones you love the most.

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SHOWNOTES

Imagine you’re making lamb chops for dinner when, distracted by serving drinks, setting the table and throwing a salad together, you burn one – who gets it? 

You do, of course, no question. But why? I call it the ‘Burnt Chop Syndrome’. 

Why do we do that? Generally, it is because you don’t want to look bad in front of others…TRUE?

You don’t want to have anything that’s better than what someone else is having, and quite probably you don’t feel like you deserve to have a good one, so you insist on having the burnt one yourself. 

In particular, women seem to be programmed to look after others before we look after ourselves, so it only seems right that we should have the burnt one.

So yes, it seems to be more common among women than men, and happily, it seems to be less common among young people today than among the Baby Boomers.

What’s the alternative? Well, you could scrape off the charcoal, turn it over and cover it in mint sauce or gravy (they’ll never know the difference!) or you could admit your imperfection, make light of it and see who’s into burnt chops – you never know, you might have just cooked the chop exactly to someone’s liking! I love my toast lightly charred and crunchy.

This translates into the ‘I’ll just finish this one thing’ syndrome in our working lives. It’s sometimes easier to get absorbed in your work than to think about taking care of yourself. 

But every time you think ‘I’ll just finish this one thing’ another hour slides by with you still sitting at your desk, then you grab something quick to eat, or decide it’s too late to go to the gym or that you’re too tired to catch up with friends as planned. Or too tired or busy to look after you.

I have a close friend who is one of the most divine women that I know, but she gets so focused on her work that she forgets to eat. If her husband or someone else doesn’t cook for her and put the food in front of her, she won’t eat all day and instead fuels up on sugar for the short-term energy boost.

Do you eat breakfast and lunch at your desk? Are you too busy to prepare meals for yourself or to even take a break to get outside and stretch your legs, breathe fresh air and enjoy the sun? 

Would you ever subject anyone else to this type of regime? NO! So, why do you do it to you?

How do you get better at looking after you?

It comes back to the analogy of the oxygen mask on an aeroplane. You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. Not only that, but you treat people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. When you do look after yourself, you attract the right people.

BEWARE! When you’re selfless, you’re thinking of other people before yourself. If you’re selfless, you think less about yourself, and more about others — you’re generous and kind. BUT you can be selfless AND look after yourself!

Helpful hints and links

• The 7 Steps to Sanity Book https://jenniferjefferies.com/product/the-7-steps-to-sanity/
• Watch the mirrors podcast episode 44

Healthy Life Hacks

So, the healthy life hacks I want to leave you with today are: 

• Remember the analogy of the oxygen mask on an aeroplane
• You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself
• Practice self-care

Did you enjoy the podcast today? Please let me know by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. Every month I draw one lucky reviewer to have a free one-hour consultation with me. Also, remember to subscribe wherever you’re tuning in from so that you always catch the next episode.

Are you looking for more great resources? Get a free copy of my Feed Your Body ebook here and be sure to explore my blog while you are there.